1.23.2006 (5:27 PM)
Someone please convince me that I'm the most fortunate and happiest girl on Earth. Don't give me the shit about African kids starving to death and me muching away on tidbits, because I think the most fortunate and happiest person on Earth is someone who truly enjoys happiness, even during diversity and there's no dark periods in his or her life because he or she injects happiness into those moments too. That's my definition of the most fortunate and happiest person on Earth.
Sometimes I wonder that if one day I slowly vanish away, no one would notice anything different, or maybe would even be happier. The only thing I know that needs me to do is to empty the water in the cup that holds the toothbrushes to prevent growth of algae. Without me, my sister would be able to enjoy her own room and my bro would be happy no one's there to mess up the house. My mum would be delighted to have no one wasting her money and my dad would be glad that no one's there to waste electricity. I'm a bad student and my grades are lousy and insignificant. So the school doesn't need me. No one is dependant on me. I don't need to support anyone's life. Don't tell me whatever shit that my friends need me and all, because they don't. It's not like without me they will die. They won't. Singapore would need me though, to not let the population go down by one, but I can jolly well give up my life to someone who needs it more than me. Seriously, if I were to be kidnapped right now, I would rather let the kidnappers kill me than to let my parents foot the ransom. It makes no difference, you see. But no, if I suddenly die one day, peopel would miss me and everything because of the sudden loss. But if I vanish slowly, it would make everyone happier. People grieve over someone's demise not because of the loss, but because it's so sudden and they cannot take it, even after years. I know people love me and all, but love is not need. *Sighs* I seem to be always contradicting myself. But I shall not from now onwards. Lieing to oneself makes that person fake and totally a hypocrite. I do not want to fake everything out. It's tiring. Is there really a reason why God created me ?
afizah
class 2-3